A guide for families

What to do if you think your parent is being scammed

A calm, practical guide for the sons, daughters and friends who want to help — without taking over · Last reviewed June 2026

If you're reading this, you're probably somewhere between a nagging worry and a cold certainty. Maybe the bank statements don't quite add up. Maybe there's a new "friend" who's never been explained, an odd pile of post, or a phone that rings at strange hours. Or maybe the worst has already happened and money has gone.

First, take a breath. Two things are true at the same time, and both matter. This is serious and worth acting on quickly. And it is not a sign that your mum or dad is foolish, failing, or losing their grip. Today's scams are run by organised professionals using tools that can fool absolutely anyone. The calmer and quicker you can be, the more good you can do.

This guide covers what to do if money is moving right now, how to tell whether your instinct is right, how to raise it without causing a rift, and how to help them recover and stay a step ahead afterwards. Most of it is more straightforward than it feels at two in the morning.

If money may be moving right now, act today

If you think a payment has just been made, or is about to be, this is the part that matters most, and speed is everything.

Get on to the bank straight away. The quickest route is 159, a trusted number that connects directly to the bank's fraud team. If it's your parent's account they'll usually need to make the call or give permission, so don't let that slow you down: phone them, stay on the line, and help them through it. The sooner the bank knows, the better the chance of stopping or clawing back the money. (159 is charged at your normal rate and usually comes out of your inclusive minutes.)
Report it to Report Fraud, online at reportfraud.police.uk or on 0300 123 2040 (in Scotland, Police Scotland on 101). You can report on someone's behalf. It's best to have their agreement, but you can do it without if you need to. Ask for a crime reference number.
Secure the accounts. Change passwords on anything that might be exposed, starting with email and online banking. If card details were shared, the bank can cancel and reissue the card.
Keep everything. Texts, emails, screenshots, names, numbers, payment references. All of it helps the bank and the investigation.
If anyone is in immediate danger, or someone is at the door pressuring them right now, call 999.

There's more on getting money back further down.

Is it actually a scam? The signs worth watching for

If you're not yet sure, these are the things that most often give it away. A scam in progress tends to leave traces: unusual amounts of post, especially fake prize draws, investment earnings, lotteries, "you've won" letters or requests for a fee to release a win; larger or more frequent cash withdrawals, or money running short when it never used to; a lot of calls from strangers or companies; a new friend, admirer or "advisor" they've met by phone or online but never in person; and a quiet defensiveness whenever any of it comes up.

That last one is worth handling carefully. If your mum or dad goes quiet or prickly when money, an investment opportunity or a new "friend" is mentioned, it usually isn't because they're hiding something shifty. More often it's the early edge of embarrassment, a worry that they've been silly, or a fear that you'll start treating them differently. How you raise it next will matter a great deal.

How to talk to them about it

This is the part that goes wrong most often, and it has almost nothing to do with the facts. When you're frightened for someone, the instinct is to march in and fix it: take charge of the bank, lay down rules, treat the whole thing as something you now manage on their behalf. It rarely works, and it can do quiet harm, because nothing makes a capable adult close up faster than being handled like a child. A parent who feels patronised stops telling you things, including the next near-miss you'd most want to hear about.

Come at it as an equal, not a rescuer.

Lead with curiosity, not accusation. "Tell me about these letters" lands very differently from "you haven't fallen for something, have you?" Ask, listen, and let them walk you through it.
Drop the "I told you so", even if you did. Blame is the surest way to make someone defend the scammer and dig in.
Share your own experience. You'll have a near-miss, because everyone does. "I nearly tapped a fake parcel link last week" puts you side by side rather than above them.

One thing worth being clear about: respectful does not mean vague. If you can see money draining away, you can say so plainly and with urgency. Treating someone as a capable adult means being honest with them, not tiptoeing around them.

When they don't believe you, or won't stop

Sometimes you will know, beyond doubt, that someone is being scammed, and they simply won't accept it. This is far more common than people expect, and it is the most painful version of all. They may be sure the scammer is a genuine friend, or a real romantic partner, or that the prize or the investment is about to come good if they just hold on a little longer. Often the criminal has worked hard to make it so, and that includes turning them against the very people trying to help: "your family only want your money," "they don't want you to be happy," "keep this between us."

You usually can't argue someone out of it head-on, and a capable adult is entitled to make their own choices, even ones you're certain are wrong. What tends to help more than confrontation:

Stay close. The worst move is an ultimatum that pushes them further into the scammer's arms. Keep the door open, keep talking, and stay the trusted voice in their life.
Make the practical changes that don't need an argument. Register their number with the Telephone Preference Service and their address with the Mailing Preference Service to cut down the marketing calls and post that scams often hide among. Ask about call-blocking handsets or the blocking settings on their phone.
Bring in people they trust. Their bank has teams for exactly this and can add protections to an account; a quiet word with them can achieve more than you can from the outside. Friends Against Scams, a free National Trading Standards scheme, runs short awareness sessions, and the message sometimes lands better from a neutral source than from family. If you're worried about their memory or their ability to weigh things up, their GP is a sensible person to talk to.
Keep a record of dates, amounts and what was said. If things escalate, you'll be glad to have it.

If you genuinely believe an older relative can't protect themselves, perhaps because of illness, memory problems, or because they're under someone's coercive control, you can raise a safeguarding concern with their local council's adult social care team. Internet, postal and doorstep scams are recognised as forms of financial abuse, and the council can make enquiries and help put protections in place. This route is for someone who genuinely can't keep themselves safe, not a way to overrule a capable adult, and it still works with the person and their wishes wherever it can.

Getting the money back

If money has gone, it isn't always lost, and it's well worth pursuing.

Bank transfers made under deception (known as authorised push payment fraud) are now covered by rules from the Payment Systems Regulator. For payments made on or after 7 October 2024, banks must reimburse most victims, up to £85,000, usually within five business days, as long as it's reported within 13 months. Tell the bank as soon as you can; speed helps the claim far more than waiting does.
Card payments carry their own protections, including chargeback and, for purchases over £100, Section 75. Ask the bank about both.
If the first answer disappoints, push. If the bank refuses to reimburse and you believe it should, you can take the complaint to the Financial Ombudsman Service, which is free.

These rules exist precisely because scams catch careful, capable people every single day. Embarrassment is the scammer's friend here. Reporting quickly is yours.

The part people skip: how they feel afterwards

We tend to count scams in pounds, but the heavier cost is usually emotional. Being scammed can leave a person shaken, ashamed, frightened and unsure who to trust, and that can linger long after the money side is sorted. For an older person there's an added fear: that this will be taken as proof they can no longer manage, and that their independence is about to be quietly taken away.

So be kind, and say the true thing often. This happens to sharp, careful people. The criminals are professionals. It is not their fault.

Victim Support offers free, confidential help to anyone affected by a scam, whether or not it's been reported, 24 hours a day on 0808 168 9111.
If they're feeling low or overwhelmed, the Samaritans are there any time on 116 123.

Two things to keep half an eye on. Someone who has been scammed once is often targeted again, sometimes by "recovery" fraudsters who promise to win the lost money back for an upfront fee. And shame tends to make people withdraw. Staying close, without hovering, is the kindest protection there is.

Helping them stay a step ahead

Once the immediate worry has passed, a little quiet groundwork makes the next attempt far less likely. The trick is to do it together rather than to take it over.

Agree a family safe word, a daft private word a real relative would know and a cloned voice wouldn't, so a panicked "it's me, I've lost my phone, I need money now" call can be checked in seconds.
Make "check it your own way" the habit. Never use the number or link a message gives you. Call the bank back on the number printed on the card, or dial 159.
Switch on the protections their bank offers, and point them to Friends Against Scams for a short, free session that's empowering rather than frightening.

This is also where a tool like Dear Enid can quietly help. Its "Is this safe?" check lets someone paste in a dodgy text, a link, or a photo of something that looks off and get a plain-English read, so they can sense-check it at an odd hour without having to ring you every time. On anything to do with money, banking or their accounts it will never wave something through with a breezy "all clear"; it flags what to be wary of and points them back to contacting the organisation themselves.

Try Enid's "Is this safe?" check free →

Where to get help

Suspicious call about the bank or money: 159, which connects straight to the bank's fraud team.
Scam text: forward it free to 7726. Scam email: forward it to report@phishing.gov.uk.
To report a fraud: Report Fraud at reportfraud.police.uk or 0300 123 2040 (Scotland: Police Scotland on 101).
Free advice on scams: the Citizens Advice consumer service on 0808 223 1133.
Investment or pension scams: the FCA on 0800 111 6768.
Support after a scam: Victim Support, free and 24/7, on 0808 168 9111, or the Samaritans on 116 123.
Advice and support for older people: Age UK on 0800 678 1602.
If you're worried an adult can't protect themselves: their local council's adult safeguarding team. In an emergency, always 999.

The bottom line

The thing to hold onto is that you are not powerless, and your parent is not a problem to be solved. A scam is something that was done to them, by people who are very good at it. The most useful things you can do are quick, calm and kind: get the bank on the phone, report it, and go on being the person they trust. Do that, and you have already handled the hardest and most important parts.

This article is general information, not personal financial or legal advice. Specific figures, fees and rules change over time, so confirm anything that matters with the organisation directly using the contacts above. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999. Last reviewed June 2026. See all our guides → Related: the latest UK scams and how to spot them.